like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
