I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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