i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
