today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
