We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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