Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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