What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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