I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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