i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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