Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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