At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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