I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
cat food counts as protein by the way
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am naked and annoyed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
