the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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