my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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