Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
