Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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