I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
