Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So. Much. Porn.
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