Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
