What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
are you so shy because you have an std?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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