I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
