You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize