And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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