she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
