Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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