so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
