My Higher Power is John Stamos
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
