Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
