Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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