The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
