I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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