About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
