I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
