i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
