It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
