I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
