On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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