i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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