Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
