During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I AM VODKA MAN
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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