Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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