how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
