you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
