I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think i have two assholes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
