**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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