i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
