i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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