Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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