I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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