people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A bitchslap is in order.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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