Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
