We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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