i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
