I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
