worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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