You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
