Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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