You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
