He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
