Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
